Reverting

*written on 2/18*

So I have one pair of black pants. I have been washing them more in the past months due to a new job that doesn't allow comfy, casual attire, and when I put them on today I noticed they seemed a bit shorter than they used to. I figured they'd stretch themselves out throughout the day, so I wore them anyway and kind of forgot about it... Until just a few minutes ago I noticed I've been pulling on my pants all day and having weird middle school memories.....

When I was about 10, I was taller than my third grade teacher and kids were beginning to notice that I was one of the tallest people in the class... and soon, the school. That's right - the school. I distinctly remember going to a high school basketball game with my parents and one of the cooler, much more stylish high school girls pointing and snickering to her girlfriends about the girl with the highwaters. As if that wasn't enough, she went out of her way to ask me if I thought a flood was coming - because I was wearing right pants if there was one! Mortified, I swore to myself that I would never again have short pants. This lead to scavenging through piles of jeans and pants at various stores looking for "long" or (even better) "EXTRA long" pants. Now I never buy a pair of jeans unless it says "35 inch inseam" on it.

Now, I have been walking around, all self-conscious today, all because of my stupid highwater experience. My initial reaction is that it's time to go shopping for some new pants (plus, it probably wouldn't hurt to have more than one pair of black pants). My secondary reaction is, "Kristen, get over yourself." I think that's what God's been screaming at me the past few weeks... I've just been ignoring Him. Until now.

I've found myself caught in this world of self-judging (is that a term?... well, it is now). I'm constantly thinking about how I can make myself better and how I should lose 25 pounds and get a new, cooler wardrobe, etc., etc. Somehow, I've only recently realized that maybe I should start focusing on how to make myself better, but in ways like reading the Bible more, praying more consistently and more meaningfully, bettering myself physically for the reason that my body is God's temple, not for all of the vain reasons I usually think of. And now you see my new path: Taking the focus off of me and starting to focus more on God. Doing things because they will glorify Him... not because my friends will tell me how great I look or how cool I am.

So, friends, let's see where this gets us. :-)